• His ex-wife did get a new lawyer.  
  
• They now have a scheduling conference order 
• The judge is making them go to mediation and hopes to not see them back in his courtroom because they will resolve through mediation.
• Mediation is $200 per hour, per person, minimum of two hours.
• Her attorney was required to explain all the proceedings to Tony since he was representing himself.
• Her attorney stated that she has had many cases where the father cannot pay and the judge will tell him to "go flip burgers".
• Tony said he was completely willing to "go flip burgers" if he has to pay but then there will then be child care expenses that they will both have to split.  
• Her attorney scoffed at the amount he was ordered to pay originally, saying "$390 is nothing for two kids".
• Tony agreed that $390 was not much except when you do not have it AND they have joint custody with the exact amount of time and custody for both parents.
• Her attorney asked if he was behind in his ordered payments and he told her that yes, technically he was BUT he paid $400 in January after losing his job January 7th.  He paid $250 in February and then he filed for a Motion to Modify February 3rd.*
• She gave him some options for mediators and they have to have made an appointment with a mediator by end of April and they are to have a decision/agreement to the judge by the first part of May.

The good news is that he was not required to write her a check for child support, back or current, today, nor was that brought up.  He does not have to agree to anything in mediation and can take his chances in front of the judge.  

The Motion to Modify Child Support hearing is less than a half hour away. There are so many different emotions that I feel as the step mom and second wife. I think most people think of the divorced mother struggling to eek out a living with a meager earning and barely enough child support to put clothes on her children's back. And that is if she is lucky to get child support.

But what about the exceptions to this scenario? What about the father that has been ordered to pay child support and never misses his payment? What about the fathers that never questioned the payment as being unfair or too much, but resigned themselves that the ordered payment is just part of the consequences of getting divorced?

That is my husband. He has paid his child support, in cash, every month since his divorce was final. He did not question the amount, nor did he complain about paying his child support. He even paid ten dollars more to round it up to a hundred dollar increment. My husband has paid his ordered amount even though HE is not the one that wanted the divorce, and tried to stay together, but was unable to compete with the new relationship she had started while Tony was at work so she could stay home with their kids.

But the judge didn't and won't care about that. It is just math, at least in the state of Oklahoma, and for that I should be glad. Yes, I could bitch and moan about how she spends the money and how she wants ME to have to pay her now that Tony has been laid off. Yet, she does not want the kids to know that I am the one that is having to support her. She and I have not spoken since we all got together to talk about the future after Tony was laid off. She was very angry, though she never let on while I was there, that their daughter was led to believe that I, her step mom, would be supporting them. Even though that is specifically what the ex said should happen that now I needed to pay her since Tony wasn't working.

I am getting off on a tangent. Back to today's court case.

Tony will only have five minutes or less to state his case. He is representing himself, pro se. Oklahoma has a child support computation worksheet available online. You fill it out and then you use the commutated worksheet to present to the judge and have him sign off and file. Since their kids do not have extenuating circumstance, yet, like braces, medical issues, tutors, competitive sports, and the like that require extra out of pocket money, it should be cut and dry. They both have joint custody with him having 182 nights and her 183. However, since he has not been working he is the day care provider. He will continue to watch the kids all summer and the next two school years. If he has to get a part time job she will have to pay half of the day care expenses, thus taking away from the child support she could possibly get.

The what if today is- what income the judge will use for Tony? Her income has changed from $890 per month when she was a part-time waitress, while they were separated, to $13 an hour since July of 2006. A 35% increase! The child support was calculated and ordered at her part-time salary, below minimum wage. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE IN A RUSH TO JUST "GET IT OVER WITH".

Here is what can be ordered depending on what wage earning the judge uses for Tony:
Unemployment - ($24.64)
Minimum Wage, because unemployment runs out in May - ($29.04)
Based on his previous earnings at a three year average - $282.56
Median Income of what he could make in two years as a Radiology Tech - $134.95
Mean Income of a Radiology Tech - $171.02

All of this worrying could be for nothing. We do not know if she will show up today, if she has a lawyer, or if she will bring all the paperwork that is required to make a judgment. I should know by ten or eleven this morning. Once I am no longer on pins and needles I am going to outline how to create and get a Motion to Modify Child Support Order because not all divorced dads are deadbeats.

My work has been experiencing some major changes. The production floor is on reduced hours, 32 per week and we lost 30 employees due to terminations and a few early retirements. Some of the men had literally worked side by side in the late owner's garage before my company took off, forty years ago. Forty years of service, amazing, but still they were working and did not leave their lifelong career on their own volition.

Every couple of weeks we have a town hall meeting with the owners of our company, in front of the paint booth. It has become a slightly dreaded event due to the lay-offs that seem to happen hours before the scheduled meeting, and then what is imminently relayed to us during the meeting. I appreciate that we are kept informed and I do not believe they, the owners, are hiding information from their employees. But still, these town hall meetings have been pretty stressful.

Today we had an impromptu town hall meeting scheduled. Normally, these have been scheduled a few days in advance or told when our next one will be during a town hall meeting. Today we were told via email, mid-morning. I wasn't even sure if I should leave for lunch. What if I was going to be let go? I actually made a joke about this to Lou, like what if I wasn't there and they couldn't find me, would they still lay me off? I doubt they would just forget, I think they would probably just wait until I got back from lunch.

During today's town hall meeting we were told that we might go to a 24 hour work week for the shop floor. Not me, as my job has expanded to the point I could literally be at work for 24 hours straight and still not able to get it all finished. But salaried people, like myself, could soon be affected. Going forward there will be no sick time or personal pay, no 401k match, no profit sharing, and no more pension contribution. We will now be off the entire week after July 4th, additional day on Memorial weekend, two extra days for Easter, and possible periodic shutdowns. All days off will be either without pay or with remaing vacation pay, we can choose. Our pay structure is also being evaluated and we will be notified in April of the changes that will be made, but there are no more details that can be given regarding our change of pay for performance.

I work in a great, and normally very profitable market, that deals directly with oil, gas, and water. We have a strong international presence but this economy just sucks, everywhere. I know other people are dealing with worse, because at least I still have a job even though my husband doesn't. But the uncertainty of the future weighs heavily on me and fills me with anxiety over what is the best solution or direction for our family. It is during this time that I am so grateful I have a relationship with a God that cares, cares about the smallest little detail, and assurance that he loves me. How depressing would it be to not have someone to cry to, to ask why, to ask how, and to give peace and comfort when I need it.

I thought I would share here where my head has been and what my minisucle part of the world is coping with. This is what I am going through but this is not what I am. However, it is a part of my life and it does have a significant effect on me. When I was scared I went back and read the comments people left on The Nester's blog about how they were dealing with this economy. It made it all seem very doable and it was wonderful to read about other peoples challenges and triumphs. I think this is a prime example of why I love blogs, knowing I am not alone. I need my job but if it goes away it will all be okay....we will all be okay.

Several years ago, while working at Montgomery Wards buying office, I read the book Who Moved My Cheese. It became apparent that I was more of a sniffer mouse even though I am a control freak. The ability to accept change and continue to find different ways of doing things has helped with life's challenges. Being a single mother, moving, getting married again, job changes, and now, deciding that our family will be a one-income family for the next two years, will put my self diagnosed personality trait to the test.

We have decided that my husband will not look for another job within his previous area of expertise but instead he will pursue an education in the health care field. He has not made a decision on which particular field of study he will pursue; but plans on making that decision this week after speaking with advisers at the various schools in our area. His graduated with a B.S. in Biology so we are hoping many of his credits will transfer and be applicable to a RN degree or Radiology. He hopes to find a part time job at one of the local hospitals and possibly receive a scholarship or signing bonuses.

I do not know all the details but as he hammers out his options I will have a clearer picture. But I do know he is taking this opportunity to make a significant career change and I could not be happier for him. Seriously. I have had this complete feeling of elation that things are going to be so good for us, hard and difficult, but content and happy.

I came home from work today to a spotless house, all the laundry done, and all the beds changed and remade. Wow! The only thing I asked was for me to keep the cooking and the vacuuming. But tonight I was so happy and felt so good coming home to a house that didn't need cleaning up that I relented and told Tony the vacuuming is all his.

The other HUGE thing for us is Anna is leaving daycare and she will be staying home with Tony. Just writing that makes me tear up. Since I divorced while pregnant I have never had the opportunity to stay home with Anna. She has been in daycare since she was four weeks old. We told her last night about all the changes and that Tony would be picking her up from school and staying with her. When she heard that she squealed and did a little jump while hugging Tony. Of course, Anna being Anna, immediately takes it to the next level saying that now Tony could come eat lunch with her and then take her to the little cafe all the SAHMs go to Tuesday after school.

Changes are definitely going to take place in our household and the cheese might stink at times but surely all the reading of frugal blogs I have done will now serve a purpose.

I have much more about dealing with the ex-wife, not pretty, and the Aldi versus Sams, versus Wal-Mart price comparison we did Saturday. But I am going to go over our new budget with my husband and talk about our new awesome future. Two things, thank you so much for the emails and comments, thank you, thank you!! and Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal is $1.29 at Aldi!!!