Last Friday night we were invited to have dinner at my dad's and I was a little stressed about it. (you can read about it here) But I shouldn't have been. It was a great night!

My dad's wife was so incredibly sweet and she made sure we had anything we could possibly want. Plus it doesn't hurt that she kept our wine glasses full.

That is what is so different about being around my dad now, openly drinking a glass of wine or a beer. I grew up in a family where drinking alcohol was not tolerated. At all. (I did, for sure, A LOT, but never ever in front of or in anyway where they would have known) I do not think my mother has ever, ever had a sip of alcohol. I know that is hard to believe but it is true. When she was young my grandfather drank a lot. I think he might have been an alcoholic but it is hardly ever discussed, and with my mother's view on drinking being so skewed-two drinks and you are inebriated- I am not sure. But she has never tolerated drinking and assured us that when Jesus turned the water into wine it was just grape juice. I always thought my dad felt the same way and I think he does not like to drink but he doesn't freak out if someone has a glass of wine before their meal, during, or after. His wife has no problem with it and neither do her new stepdaughters or their husbands.

Last Friday night was the first time my dad's wife saw my sister and I interact with each other. Things had been so tense during their courtship-so soon after the divorce, and it was especially crazy and tense when they were planning their wedding. Their wedding and the aftermath is what eventually led to none of us speaking to one person or the other. But my dad's wife always kept positive and she didn't get bogged down with all the crap. For that I am so thankful.

I am also glad we went Friday night. Dinner was great, the steaks were fabulous, better than my dad has ever made. She made this wonderfully light lemonade pie that was a perfect ending to our meal. My sister's little girl played with my stepson and my daughter was able to soak up as much attention as she could.

There were a couple of times I caught my dad watching all of us and smiling with a faraway look on his face. There were no arguments, no talk of politics, no debating religions, only this small portion of our family getting together to share a meal and spend time together. Time really is helping ease my parents 36 year marriage breakup. It is softening the edges that is for sure and it is showing me what kind of stepmom I should aspire to be when my stepkids are grown.

Step families are quite common now days and if you don't actually live in one you at least have contact with one. I know when I was growing up in the 80's our town did not have many step families but there were a few. There was one family in particular that blended the mother's three teenager girls with the father's teenage sons (I think he had three too). I was always curious how things worked in their family, in particular sharing the bathroom and getting ready in the morning.

I had enough trouble with my younger sisters trying to embarrass me in front of friends and family and I will never forget the huge fights we had over who was in the kids bathroom the longest. When you are a teenager appearance is everything and secrets were not exactly padlocked and kept in a vault. Clearasil and Oxy were big in the 80's and they had yet to invent the disappearing formula. And who can forget the required head braces that last year of teeth straightening. How did this small town Brady Bunch family maintain their privacy? These kids all went to the same high school together and all the girls were absolutely beautiful and the boys were pretty hot too.

Well I am now livin' the dream! We all grew up wanting to be step parents right? No? That wasn't part of ya'lls future plans? Those fairy tale stories about the wonders and magical life of being a stepmother didn't make you yearn to be Cinderella's nemesis?

There is something that is inherent in our step family and that is modesty and the complete clothing of ones self when you open your bedroom door. And we have little kids 9, 7, and 4. But even during a storm when one of the kids knocks on the door TD pulls on a T-shirt before opening the door. If his kids are at our house I put my robe on over my pajamas. The kids do too. (Well mine is suddenly coming downstairs in underwear and a T-shirt which is what prompted this post)

It is not that we would be running around willy nilly in our birthday suits if we were a biological family, I seriously doubt that. But I have noticed differences in our behavior if just our bio kids are in the house. For instance, if Anna is the only kid for the weekend I will run upstairs and change clothes without shutting my bedroom door. If my step kids were there and even if they were outside playing I would shut the door just in case they came upstairs. A little over a month ago Anna was gone and we just had my step kids. TD did something I had never seen him do. He went out into the hall in just his boxers! No T-shirt and shorts. I do not think we consciously think about it. Like I said it is just this inherent thing we do, do not expose skin to steps.

This is just a tiny little peek into step life that sets us apart from biological families. Not that I ever, and I stress ever saw my mother naked. OH no! But my dad occasionally came out into the hall in his boxers to tell all three of us to quit fighting or else! But I think there is a more freedom--not quite the right word--with various stages of dress inside of a biological family.

But like I said I am livin' the dream and so far so good. And when we have a moment without any children........TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

Surprise!! My 38th birthday was Saturday and my fabulous husband has been planning a surprise party for me since February. I had absolutely no idea. He got me out of the house to spend the day with my friend Tricia going shopping and having lunch. Tricia is a huge planner so I thought nothing about her asking me what I wanted to do on my birthday, while I was putting away my Christmas ornaments.

She picked me up around noon and we had a great relaxing day. We went to a wine bar and bistro to have lunch and then went shopping at little boutique stores nearby. The markup was killing me. We went into a store where every article of clothing was made out of crushed linen in either cream, dark tan, or navy. I found a baby pink t-shirt for $95. It was so cheap delicate that I could hold it up and Tricia could see the color of my eyeshadow through it. To make this T-shirt even more over-rated spectacular the edges were left unfinished. Oooh! the labor involved.

We ended up at an outdoor mall where I bought white capris. Love them! Want them in red, khaki, and navy too. They were on sale, $10 off, so I got them for $29. And Stella McCartney would be appalled - they had a finished hem. Can you imagine? the audacity!

We ended up at P.F. Changs and sat outside to have a drink. The whole time I kept saying that I needed to get home TD and the kids needed dinner and I was making oven-fried chicken. Tricia never once let on. That's why when we finally made it home at close to six I was shocked and awed. Take a look:


SURPRISE!!! I loved it! All the kids were there, my close friends were there, and my husband had planned it all. My artistic friend Sonja made the birthday crown that on my pin head looked more like an Indian Headress, but I love it! My kids were so excited and were also led astray because they were not informed about the party until that afternoon. TD did fan-tab-u-lous!!

It was great! But it was really such a blur. And no it was not because of the Mai-Tai at P.F. Changs. It was because no one had ever done this for me before. I just kept thinking of all the effort everyone went through. It almost made me cry. I am tearing up now!

What a wonderful weekend, the best! I just love everyone right now. I could even go give a hug to the neighbor lady down the street who tried to refuse to let my friends park in front of her house, on a public street. Yes, I could even hug the crazy right out of her. But I am going to hug my hubby instead, he so deserves it.

October 4, 2007 or 5,000 miles ago. Either one is when I was suppose to get my oil changed. I even got a phone call to remind me to get the oil changed. In October. Now that it is April I am too embarrassed to take it in and get the oil changed. I don't want to hear the tsk-tsk of the German auto mechanic followed by a lecture on how important it is to change the oil in older vehicles.

I guess the procrastination and excuses became too much for my husband. He went and bought all the supplies he would need to change it himself. He had mentioned this Friday night when we were out with friends, but I thought he was kidding. I was telling our friends about the night I went out to the garage and saw TD changing out my spark plugs. The scene did something for/to me and some sparks definitely flew in our house later that night. Now my husband was looking for another opportunity to work on my car. Changing the oil was going to be his Rico Suave move.

On Sunday he got his supplies ready. He jacked my car up crawled underneath and I sat down in the garage to watch him.


I really am not sure of all the steps that were taken while he was beneath my 13 year old BMW convertible but the next thing I know he is holding up an oily hand and saying this is not the oil pan. What? then what is that stuff on your hand? Oh! transmission fluid, then just plug the hole back up and redo I say while I hold up my wedding ring and admire the way the sun makes it sparkle and pop my gum.

Apparently, it is not that easy and he referenced the manual to figure out why my BMW oil pan and transmission pan look the same and is not in the same place like a Honda and how to fill the transmission back up.

The filler cap, or whatever, on the transmission pan is stuck, completely stuck, wrench, hammer, and swearing stuck. He is going to have to take the pan off and refill it then put it back in place while full of hydraulic fluid. This will require more than two hands.

The pan is fastened to the car by SIXTEEN, bolts/screws whatever. SIXTEEN parts that have to be unscrewed while lying on your back with your face 3 inches from a motor that can fall and squish you, dead.

After cursing the sadistic and masochistic tendencies of the Bavarians my darling wonderful fabulous husband had all SIXTEEN bolts/screws off and the pan free. He filled the pan up to the rim with the transmission fluid while I commented on how gross this was and should we wash the pan while it was out. That would be a negative. We both crawled under the car and reattached this wobbly red oily heavy pan back to the belly of the beast.

TD held it in place while I reattached the bolts/screws thingy's. With a ratchet. A ratchet that was so slippery and held in a hand that was dripping with oily nastiness. If the pan moved just a little transmission fluid would spill out and all over us. But I prevailed against adversity and I fastened that pan back onto my car. I did it!! I actually did manual labor on my back and it didn't involve having a baby.

Now the roles were reversed. Apparently the sight of me underneath a car in a wife beater covered in transmission fluid is equivalent to Pamela Anderson running across the beach carrying a life preserver. Next time I might just change the oil before the suggested mileage is up.

We had a great time Saturday night. TD and I went to a fundraiser for Street School, a private, non-profit alternative school of choice. Their theme was The Outsiders, written by Tulsa native S.E. Hinton. They had great food from different restaurants and caterers located in the tulsa area.

You could choose to dress up or not and we decided to try and dress for the occasion. It was easy for me; white shirt, neck scarf from the '90s and rolled up jeans. TD was a greaser, so not what he would have been in high school. I don't think TD ever did anything wrong growing up much less in High School. He tells me that he got straightened out in 2nd grade by a nun that hit him so hard with a ruler he never again misbehaved. He never once spent a day inside of an In-School-Suspension room. I don't think he even skipped a class. I married a perfect one didn't I?

My friend Sonja and me? I am pretty sure we would have lived on the "right" side of the tracks with the Soc's but we would have been all about Ponyboy and his crew, there is not a doubt in my mind.

I got this in an email the other day. I think it is hilarious. When I sent it to my husband he replied, "You eye ballin me?"

In the early 90's I watched a horrible movie called The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, & Her Lover. It was a bizarre movie with a pretty sick plot. Lou had rented it, probably from Pop-in-go, because it was suppose to be avant-garde and we wanted to be "in the know" with the pop culture scene. However, the only redeeming quality-and that is so not the word for it-of having watched such a pitiful movie is being able to say that yes, I have seen that particular movie. This only comes up when the conversation has turned into "Why I was still cool after college" and people are discussing what random books, bands, and movies they were into. It was during one of those conversations that I found out my husband had also watched this gem of a film.

Last night I met my friend Sonja for dinner at The Brook. It was a great night and we spent part of the time reminiscing. Or maybe it would be lamenting. Poor Sonja. She sat through so many of my tedious stories of who I was emailing on Match.com and who emailed but I never heard from again or who had seemed normal but ended up being a total freak. She listened to my ups and downs there in her dark office lit with lamps and a string of Christmas lights in a glass urn she took from the sample room.

At The Brook we talked about how lucky we both were that we have our husbands. How both of us never thought we would be with so nice of men since our dating history did not lend itself to the type of men we both ended up marrying. She stopped being a fixer and I accepted someone that didn't need to be changed or rescued.

I grew up in the last five years. In that time my heart was broken, my parents divorced, I bought my own house, I took my daughter to kindergarten, and I found someone that I will spend my life with. I have many close friends and co workers that encouraged me along the way. After listening to another episode where I sabotage my own life, those friends had to either walk away or hang up the phone and think, when will she take my advice? Eventually I did and things are pretty great.

I did many things in my life just because they were cool at the time or seemed fun and fabulous. Everyone has. Sometimes I want to completely forget about some of those things. But other times when the conversation turns into a trip down memory lane and what a fool, freak, or how cool I was it is pretty funny to have someone that shared those times with you. Now don't go rush out to rent The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover that is one movie we don't need to have in common.

When Anna was born it was a welcome relief. Not just because I was hugely pregnant and miserable being nine months pregnant during the late summer in Oklahoma. No, it was more because my sense of fear and the anger of having to do this without a husband no longer seemed to matter. The embarrassment of going to Lamaze with my mother was such a distant memory. This baby girl was so perfect I had no idea why I was worried.

My pregnancy was nine months of riding an emotional roller coaster. After the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant and telling my husband, who had a vasectomy appointment scheduled, I had some major ups and downs. Mostly downs. Being served divorce papers at 10:30 p.m. just before leaving the next morning for Oklahoma was quite the downer. I thought I was going home to my parents so we could work through this.

It never happened. Many, many phone calls later it was a done deal. To this day I can't hear the factory Nokia ringtone without my stomach lurching. The conversations always ended the same way, that I was choosing a baby I didn't even know over him. We had an agreement don't you know. No. Kids.

Fast forward six years.

Last night TD, Anna, and I went to Target. They had both gotten out of the car before me and were walking toward the doors. When I came around the vehicle there they were. Holding hands. She had just automatically reached for his hand. He automatically took her hand. When she saw me she took mine too and the three of us walked hand in hand through the parking lot.

(Until she swung up so hard that she about ripped both our arms out of socket....but that kinda takes away from the moment)

The love of a step parent and step child may never be the exact same as the biological parent but watching the fondness progress to love is a humbling and gracious experience.

TD has stepped in to help me when I lose my cool. Like I did during my cousins wedding reception this summer. But this picture was taken soon after and she doesn't hold anger toward him like she sometimes does to me.

He has taken the time to teach her what Fly-Fishing is while on vacation with my dad and his wife. TD has so much more patience then I do with her.

He took her for Dads and Doughnuts day at her school. Those special times I knew were coming and my heart was breaking in advance.

She can irritate like no ones business. And spazzes out without any warning. He takes it in stride and waits for the moment to pass.

She is still not sure what to call him. She has tried out Daddy but she said that didn't seem right. She refers to him as her dad to all her friends. But right now it is his first name that she uses. Her stepsister, TD's nine year old, has said that Anna can call him dad because she doesn't have one and so it won't hurt the feelings of anyone. He already has two kids call him dad another one won't matter. We all still struggle with mine, yours, his, and theirs but eventually we will get it.

Aren't these beautiful? They were delivered to my work on Wednesday. I absolutely LOVE them. He completely amazed me with his choice of flower and it was a wonderful surprise.

So why on the weekend following this show of affection and the wonderful night we spent together, do I feel like .... well I can't even put verbage to it. Bashing and gnashing of teeth are the only things that come to mind. How do I work those into a sentence that will not come back to haunt me?

I love him so much for loving Sybil me. God help him, he has Sybil me all weekend............

Something happens to me and TD when we are kid free. We forget the packed freezer of prepared-in-advance meals and the Joy of Cooking at home. Or how much I absolutely love my Crock Pot and how we are committed to debt reduction. During child free weekends Dining OUT is the name of the game.

When my daughter is spending the weekend with her grandmother, Marmie; and TD’s kids are not with us for the same weekend we try and take full advantage of the free time.

During these child free moments I live like a teenager/frat boy. If I unwrap something I just leave the wrapper where I unwrapped it; not wasting a precious moment to walk the 2 feet to the trash. When I take off my shoes, let’s say, in the middle of the floor; they will stay there the entire weekend unless I wear them again. Towels? They drop on the floor. Bed? Completely unmade. Dishes? What dishes?? We are Dining OUT.

We didn’t even drink coffee at home! We went to Starbucks and bought a paper and read it THERE. Because we could. I had run out of milk for my coffee and I Was. Not. going to the grocery store on a FREE weekend.

In a way, drinking coffee at Starbucks was frugal, we didn’t have to use our money for Starbucks because my dad and his wife gave me a Starbucks gift card for Christmas. So I kept my head in the game for some an hour of the weekend.

Saturday night we met some friends for dinner. We all had a great time!! So much fun, so much conversation. She and I used to work together and it had been so long since we had seen each other. They actually met TD on our second or third date.

My friend’s husband ordered every dip they had. Notice the empty basket of chips. ElGuapo is not known for their legendary service. Not. At. All. (it's big brother McNellie's has excellent service though)

Service was not that spectacular. But the company of adults? AWESOME!!

We also went to the mall. But that is another post because I have found the HOLY GRAIL for jeans. LOVE THEM!!!!!

When TD and I started out Total Money Makeover we realized that if we were going to follow Dave Ramsey’s guidance we would need to sell the Accord.

We had a little over three years left to pay at $366 a month. We would need to replace the Accord with something that we could pay for in cash, going strictly by Ramsey’s principles, or get something that was much less and finance for 24 months for around $200 a month.

TD put the car up for sale this past July for the amount we still owed, a little over $12,000. He listed it in Auto Trader and wrote For Sale on the back window…lovely….

Every call he got they immediately did not like the price. It was listed at the Kelly Blue Book value but I think buying a car from a private seller at anything over ten thousand dollars is a hard sell.

Fast forward to January of this year. TD and I were talking about just keeping the car. It was discouraging, all the calls and then the fall throughs. Was it really the best thing? Did we really want to drive a beater like Dave Ramsey says? How much was this going to save us?

Two weeks ago TD got a call from a guy coming into town for the weekend and he was going to buy a car while here no. matter. what. He looked at the Accord twice and decided to buy it!!! Prayers answered!!

But wait! What are we going to drive now? The other car only seats four and there were five of us half of the time. We started looking and really thinking the “beater car” thing over.

This is where being married to TD has been the biggest blessing and wonderful experience I thought possible. He includes me in every decision. He wants my input, and not just because he is suppose to consult me regarding purchases over $50. He consults me because he actually cares what I think and what I see in regards to our budget and how this will fit into our goals.

We decided that we needed a vehicle that would allow us to bring things like, mulch, crown molding, plants, and other large objects purchased at Lowes and Home Depot home with us the very same day we bought them. This meant a SUV or a truck. But then you have to figure out gas mileage………..bleh! Once again, I love my husband.

Drumroll please!!!



We are now the proud owners of a 2000 Toyota 4-runner. We got a GREAT deal on it.

This is how it worked into our budget:

Accord: 3 years and a few months at $366 per month
4-Runner: 2 years at $194 per month.
PLUS!! $30 less a month in car insurance

Isn’t debt reduction great!!!